throat tightens
and vision blurs I stand but I can’t feel my feet I breath but I get no relief
no not again
no not now
no…
no…
no…
and I come to with
my pride tarnished, the embarrassment stinging more than the bruises of my
ungraceful fall and I’m given a new reason to feel anxious around these people
as they’ll always remember “that one time” I can feel twenty some sets of eyes
staring, penetrating my soul with their cruel, judgmental eyes
I excuse myself
with no objection from the teacher, I have been through enough for one day and
I walk out, first to the bathroom, I stare at myself and lose track of time, my
eyes are swollen and leaking, my complexion is red and splotchy, very different
from the one I made an effort to paint on every morning I can’t look anymore
I should leave
they’ll send
someone to check on me soon but I don’t want to see anyone, I text my mother
and insist she picks me up, she knows if she doesn’t I’ll leave on my own, she
agrees, trying her best to sound like she’s coming from a place of concern but
I know better, she doesn’t want me to stay because “the best thing to do is brush yourself off
and keep going” she wants me to stay because she’s busy and embarrassed
I move to my
locker and collect my things, not that I’ll feel like working tonight, but if I
come home with an empty backpack she won’t be happy I walk toward the front
door past the office staff, I ignore them
No, I didn’t sign out
No, I don’t have a note
No, my mother isn’t going to call
you
I
walk through the green double doors and feel instant relief
Only six more years
In the sixth grade
I developed very severe social anxiety. I didn’t understand it and I was really
embarrassed by it. I rejected any type of help that was offered to me,
especially from my parents. This story is about one of the few times I had a
panic attack at school. Since then I have conquered my social anxiety after
many years of hard work.
