Palm Trees

I'll give anything not to feel like this anymore
You told me you loved me
It must be why you never answer
It must be why you left
I'll give anything to be numb

Spring Break in Panama
Palm trees, white sand, ocean, and an infinite collection of fools parading the beaches day and night to fulfill our emptiness with drugs, alcohol, and lust filled adventures.

Paradise

7 days in the hotel and a couple suitcases full of liquor
it must be smooth sailing from here

Who the hell drinks sprite?
Where is my whiskey?
I need to feel alive
I need to feel anything
It's almost gone
hold off on it until we make a run to get more
we still got plenty of everclear
drink that
Everclear
95.5% alcohol
illegal to purchase in 16 states including Florida
good thing we brought plenty from home

2:00 AM time to get outside
Why is this damn elevator so slow
Everything is so blurry
This whole trip everybody has been running around singing trying to find molly
I guess they didn't know she's been hiding in my nose
Doors are open time to go

blacktop sidewalk, 5 guys, cooler full of beer and liquor, 2:15, what could go wrong?
Wow why are all those guys standing around this time of night?
everythings so blurry
are they running at us?
john, how'd you get on the ground?
why is you're mouth bleeding?
how did I get on the ground?
my right ear is ringing
did we get jumped?
I dont know my whole body is already numb
"dude get up we have to get away"
Darkness and bright lights are the only thing I can see
collective ambiguity and blurred lines are my only reality
did we get away guys?
where did all those guys go?
who's these two new guys?
"you guys lookin' for a party? I've got some coke and acid if you got the cash."
we don't really want anything
we just got jumped and already got stuff
were just trying to get passed these guys
"that's nothin."
"here look at this baby"

chrome .45
colt m1911
pearl hand grips
holstered in the front of his basketball shorts
must be a respectable person.

"come with me, I got a good party I'm headed to, I'll get you guys in."

what a nice guy

walking again
group of dudes is still there
woman is approaching
battle positions

"please cross the street these guys are on drugs"

"they will kill you"

solid plan
we comply
reach party destination
empty beach
nothing but lonely chairs, sand, and the moonlit waters
"aww man party must be over"
"better hit the next spot"
"you guys wanna buy anything yet?"
sobering up
this guy is pretty sketchy now
situation is going downhill
need to get away.
head to next place
same situation

"Man we gotta get away from this guy"
"I have a plan"

"Man, I don't want any coke yet but ill buy some weed 
if you wanna smoke it with me real quick then I'll buy some coke in a bit"
"sounds good man yeah I'll get it out"
plan is clear now
we make fun of him and get him too high to function
come on man what was that?
we can do that in our sleep
here watch this
he's sitting down guys lets make a break for it
we ran then like we had never run before across the darkness of the beach for a mile and a half
I feel so alive for once
I feel free
I cant remember the last time I felt this way

This is a story loosely based on a trip I made to Panama over spring break. It is mostly fictional besides getting jumped. 
 

The Camera Eye; God has the answers

     seventeen years had gone by and never had never been to a hospital before

never

     mom and dad left the party and we were on our way to the emergency room

     whats the verdict doc? surgery in an hour he says and all of a sudden the walls started to close in

noises started to fade out and the people started to get blurry

     was this really happening?

     mom started to cry it wasn't her fault but nobody ever listened because you're too young for this and just  drink more water  you're probably just dehydrated were the excuses given

     really?

     after surgery the bad news kept pouring in a four inch ovarian cyst had burst in the abdomen thankfully the infection was cleared out and to be treated by antibiotics and there was minimal scarring thank goodness but...

but what?

     endometriosis has completely taken over the right ovary and the left is undergo     fertility tests failed we are sorry

what does this even mean?

     you're so young but any plans of ever becoming a mother one day are nearly impossible but just how long were you in pain? the doctor asked

over a year...

     had this been caught earlier it could have been treated and perhaps prevented but it's too late now    on the positive side however the infection was stopped and you're on your way to health    mom cried and cried

but mom it's not your fault

you didn't know

doctors aren't always right

God has the answers

     one year later ovarian precancerous cells popped up and the visitations to the doctor seemed like they were never going to end     but they did end and so did the precancerous cells    still failing fertility tests to this day but...

God has the answers

Summary: 

At 17 the doctors found stage 4 endometriosis on my ovaries, a very common disease in girls. It affects everybody in different ways, some girls will never know they have it as they are left with no symptoms, some cases are moderate, others are severe, like mine. I no longer have precancerous cells and don't allow the bad news to interfere with my daily life. 

     
     

The Camera Eye

            the fluorescent lights are blinding and the room is filled with flowers and cards and balloons and teddy bears and familiar faces surround with worried expressions on their worried faces and hand reach forward and voices fill the air

a thin short woman wearing white everything appears with blond hair swooshing in her pony tails and bags under eyes she is bringing over a tray and lifts the lid in front and an awful aroma comes from the steaming food and is invading now flared nostrils and before notice food is gone

mommy and daddy help to get out of bed and small fragile feet hit the cold concrete floor and the lights are brighter in narrow pathway with other people in night gowns and wheelchairs pushing around IV’s and worry hits mommy’s face when she sees a scared look on face and heart pounds

in a small room with a blue chair in front and wires surround the white room a man stands tall with dark hair and glasses and wearing a long white coat I hear sit lean back for testing as he leans over and he grabs white cords with flat ends

and wires attach to head there are too many to count

dark haired man stares at machines as they beep in high pitch now low and back again and hours pass and sleep hits

            the white ceiling and fluorescent lights hit and mommy sits holding papers as the dark haired man leans over her

“testing is accurate

it was seizure

childhood epilepsy

medicine should prevent

possible to grow out of”

            mommy wraps arms around tightly and kisses forehead and a few tears start to stream and her mascara runs down her face and tells what is wrong and everything will be okay remain strong

            through the narrow walkway past people in wheelchairs and through a door the balloons and flowers and teddy bears are back and the room is filled with familiar faces again they are here for support and care and daddy comes over and kisses forehead and you will be okay and it will go away

Summary:

It was the day of brain scans and tests to figure out what was wrong. An enormous amount of wires were attached to my head and the doctor watched intently as the brain waves moved. Afterward, he examined the results and explained to my mother that I had childhood epilepsy. This was a very hard time in my life, but my entire family was there for me the whole time and I did grow out of it as the doctor hoped.

You may need help from your doctor

You may need help from your doctor
You may want to quit
When you're addicted
When you're addicted
You may continue using the drug despite the harm it causes
You may not be able to control your drug use
What starts as casual use
For many people
Leads to drug addiction

Many people do not understand
the complexity of drug addiction
They mistakenly view drug abuse and addiction as strictly a social problem
They may characterize those who take drugs as morally weak
it is a disease that impacts the brain
stopping drug abuse is not simply a matter of willpower

 and we also know that drug addiction can be successfully treated
but
probably
not







http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/drug-addiction/basics/definition/con-20020970
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/drug-abuse-addiction

Shakespeare and Lust

Tell me the reason why wilt thou marry?

     My poor body, madam, requires it; I am driven on
by the flesh, and he must needs go that the devil drives.

So lust, thought to a radiant angel link'd,
Will sate itself in a celestial bed
And prey on garbage.

They are in the very wrath of love, and they will together; clubs
cannot part them.

'Love comforteth like sunshine after rain,
But Lust's effect is tempest after sun;
Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain,
Lust's winter comes ere summer half be done;
Love surfeits not, Lust like a glutton dies;
Love is all truth, Lust full of forged lies.

They say all lovers swear more performance than they

are able and yet reserve an ability that they never 

perform, vowing more than the perfection of ten and 

discharging less than the tenth part of one.

References: 

All's Well that Ends Well 1.3.27-30

Hamlet 1.5.61-3, the Ghost to Hamlet

As You Like It 5.2.40-1, Rosalind to Orlando

Venus and Adonis 799-804, Adonis

Troilus and Cressida 3.2.81-4, Cressida to Troilus

Love an Lust

                      I wasn't actually in love,
                                              but I felt a sort of tender curiosity.

      Their eyes met, 
      and they stared together at each other,                
      alone in space. 
      With an effort she glanced down at the table.
              You always look so cool," she repeated.



                         She had told him that she loved him

It takes two to make an accident.
                  
   I was within and without. 
   Simultaneously enchanted and 
   repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.
                                                                        All I kept thinking about, over and over, was
                                                                        You can't live forever; you can't live forever.
                                                                        we beat on, boats against the current,
                                                                        borne back ceaselessly into the past.
           

           So we drove on toward death through the cooling twilight.

                                           Angry, and half in love with her, 
                        and tremendously sorry, I turned away.

Fitzgerald, F. Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1925

Generation Y

MILLENIALS PUT THEIR SURPRISING STAMP ON THE AMERICAN DREAM

Shaped by the times, Millenials dream

about travel and self employment—and

staying far off the corporate ladder.

It’s our party we can do what we want

It’s our party we can say what we want

It’s our party we can love who we want

GENERATION Y: THEY’VE ARRIVED AT WORK WITH A NEW ATTITUDE

…the speed of the internet has led 

the cohort to be similarly flexible

and changing in it’s fashion…

and how it is communicated with…

INSTANT GRATIFICATION IS THE DOWNFALL OF GENERATION Y

Generation Y Going Nowhere,

And They're Fine With That

I sit here and think about what our world's become,

We laugh and we taunt; is it really just for fun?

The media has brainwashed the intelligence we once knew,

To all our morals and values we simply bid adieu.

Works Cited 

Armour, Stephanie. "Generation Y: They've Arrived at Work With a New Attitude." USA Today. USA Today, 11 Aug. 2005. Web. 10 Feb. 2014. 

Cyrus, Miley. "We Can't Stop." Bangerz. Miley. N.d. CD. 

Edwards, Stephen. "Instant Gratification Is The Downfall of Generation Y." Elite Daily. N.p., 1 Aug. 2012. Web. 10 Feb. 2014. 

"Generation Why? in Our "Modern World" by Jerita Phan." Generation Why? in Our "Modern World", a Poem by Jerita Phan. Poets Love Poem at Allpoetry. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Feb. 2014. 

Kadlec, Dan. "Millennials Put Their Surprising Stamp on the American Dream." Editorial. Time.com. Time Magazine, 6 Feb. 2014. Web. 10 Feb. 2014. <http://business.time.com/2014/02/06/millennials-put-their-surprising-stamp-on-the-american-dream/>. 

Lutz, Bob. "Generation Y Going Nowhere, And They're Fine With That." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 06 July 2012. Web. 08 Feb. 2014. 

Schreor, William J. "Generations X,Y, Z and the Others - Cont'd." (n.d.): n. pag. SocialMarketing.org. Web. 10 Feb. 2014.